“Beware of destination addiction — a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.” — Robert Holden
I was initially going to call this article “How to Avoid the Post-Trip Blues,” or something along those lines. Then I set out again on my own travels, came back, and realized that avoiding the post-trip blues is probably impossible.
On the surface, that sounds like a cynical take on the matter. Some might call it a self-fulfilling prophecy and say that if someone believes that a brief period of difficulty awaits upon their return home, it will come about. But if it were as simple as not believing it or ignoring it altogether, I wouldn’t have to write this piece. I’m confident that most travelers have experienced something like the “post-trip blues,” and that getting rid of them is not that easy. So here I am, writing.
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We have many choices in life. In fact, I hope you will come away from this believing that we have a few more than you realized before. For the traveler, the most decisive and formative choice is that of the next destination. Assuming that we possess the means to go where we please, the choice is ours alone. We don’t necessarily get tossed around in the winds of the world and just end up somewhere. But even if we do, there is still a choice implicit in putting ourselves out there and letting come what may.
Why am I harping on about choice? Because it’s important to restate how powerful the process of traveling is. Being able to get away, break a routine, see more of our vast planet, and find or lose ourselves in this endeavor reminds us that we have control over our lives. Although that is awesome, there’s an inherent danger there. We shouldn’t associate escaping the norm with finding happiness or meaning in life. An unintentional consequence of doing so is thinking of the rest of our lives as unremarkable and incapable of providing the beauty and inspiration we seek while traveling.
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That said, it’s not wrong to pine for an occasional change of environment. There is some truth to saying that certain things can be “out of sight, out of mind,” but adopting that mantra in the face of all of our problems would be exhausting, and would put unnecessary strain on ourselves and our relationships. Escaping is a temporary measure that cannot be confused for a permanent solution. Moreover, it’s not as though arriving at our next destination instantly solves whatever personal or professional dilemmas we “left” at home — I’ve often found myself facing them more directly as a result of being on neutral ground. I would assert that a lot of travelers love to travel because it requires them to face life with a bit more honesty. It causes the distance between life as it is and life as we want it to be to suddenly disappear. But what if that happens, and we aren’t as satisfied as we expected to be?
I mentioned above that I recently took a trip. For all intents and purposes, I considered it a vacation — I took time off of work, went somewhere warm and sunny, and, for the most part, planned on checking out. I built my arrival up so much in my mind, only to feel… the exact same way I’d felt at home when I finally made it. Even after a few days passed, I still hadn’t unwound.
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Initially, I blamed the responsibilities of my life back home for affecting me so much that they were ruining my experience here — as if I had nothing to do with it! After all, it’s easy to get bogged down in the routine of things and believe that you are your responsibilities. I only managed to get over this slump when I realized that I was giving them too much credit. There was nothing stopping me from experiencing life in the moment, only myself. I had the choice to let situations and circumstances a thousand miles away affect me, and I chose not to let them. How freeing! I enjoyed the jubilation of feeling untethered, even if just for a short time. But then I felt the clock ticking.
I knew the post-trip blues were coming. They’d come so many times before, and I could see no reason why this time would be any different. But I realized that they would simply require that I make the same decision I’d just made: to change my mindset. When I left for this trip, I expected to assume a different life while I was away, one that was carefree and limitless. But that didn’t happen. It was still the same life — only my perspective had changed.
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This led me to wonder why this perspective only seemed to alter when I was someplace else. Since my return, I’ve come to diagnose the post-trip blues as symptomatic of a misinformed belief that such a change of perspective is only possible when we’re away. As I said above, we travel to feel like we’ve taken control of our lives. But a return to the norm can only upset us if we allow the rhythms of life at home to convince us that control has again slipped from our grasp.
To handle the post-trip blues, remember that they are a natural part of a life that involves choices. Wherever we are, life is not something separate from us. It is everything, all the time — of course it gets overwhelming! Of course we feel the need to escape sometimes, and of course we should. Things will always happen to you that are beyond your control, and you won’t have the choice of how, where, or when they happen. But you can choose how to react.
Peaks and valleys, highlights and lowlights, ups and downs — whatever you want to call them, life has movements that it wants us to follow. As philosopher Alan Watts reminds us, existence is essentially playful in how it moves us. I don’t mean playful as in “fun,” because life isn’t always fun. Rather, Watts wants to teach us that it is always random and unpredictable — and travelers probably know this better than most. Situations where step A faultlessly leads to step B are very rare. It is dangerous to lead our lives in anticipation of some great “thing” that is coming. What if we miss it in the meantime?
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After all, we don’t really know the meaning of things in the present moment, and a fixation on finding one will ensure that it is always one step ahead of us, forever out of reach. Our lives might seem linear, but we know that they aren’t. If that were the case, nothing would ever happen twice. Thankfully, life is like music: full of motifs, flourishes, and beautiful repetition. Though we go many places, life doesn’t go anywhere. It dances. Try your best to dance along.
What have you learned about choice, intention, and life during your travels? We’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.
